Cool Joe Cool

Last night was a goodbye party for Joe.  He is dying.  I am not really comfortable saying “He is moving on” or “Passing Over”.  The body, shell, or vessel we know as Joe is finishing up and dying. 

What an amazing way to acknowledge our connections and shared love for music and each other!  He brought out about 250 baseball sleeved ticket stubs, complete with guitar pics, passes and signatures and told everyone to take some.  Take a ticket stub that will resonate with you.  He even had sharpies and signed them.  How Joe Cool is that?

When I sat down to talk to Joe I was very apprehensive.  What do you say to someone who is dying?  Do I tiptoe around it?  Ignore it?  Focus on it?  Talk about the future of concerts after a year of COVID?  I first asked if he was OK with no masks.  Then we talked about the Hooptie and the stickers I have for it, the fact that he sold it and bought a new RV (2003), and that the new one is in his brother Eric’s name.  We talked about Brad’s and my new life and how difficult and freeing it was to get rid of everything. 

Then we talked about the business of dying:  Last wishes, financial cleanup and distribution, opportunities to say anything you wanted to say before it was too late and how much easier it is knowing for awhile that the end was sooner than anyone thinks.  For Joe, death is no longer “Some Day in the Future” or “When I’m Older”.  Death is “Some Day this Year”.  We talked about how he had been having trouble for more than 2 years and the doctors could not pinpoint the cause.  He was grateful for those 2 years of living with “An Issue” instead of 2 years of “Preparing to Die”.  

When Joe was diagnosed with impending death he was told to “Go enjoy your time” and “Get going on your bucket list”.  His response is classic Joe Cool:  “I already did.  My bucket list is empty.  I have traveled and lived and enjoyed music all of my life.  I have amazing friends and I lived almost 30 years longer than I expected.”

Who of us can say that?  Don’t most of us say “I will be happy when …” or “I can’t do that amazing thing I wish to do until …”?  What if we all choose to be HAPPY today?  What if we decided that the planning time for that amazing experience was NOW?  What if we all recognized that we are like Joe, and all of us are hanging out in bodies that are dying?  The only difference is timetables and acceptance.  Isn’t that what the song “Live Like You Were Dying” is about? 

My empathetic self tries to imagine what Joe thinks and feels.  If he wants me to know, he’ll tell me.  I am so grateful to know such a strong man, who can sit at a party and talk about life, music, and death with a smile.  The first thing he is planning when this dying thing is over?  Getting a beer with Vivian and going to a Tom Petty concert.  Hanging out with his Dad and Brother.  A man with a plan!

There were close to 50 people at Timmy’s last night.  I talked to people like I wasn’t scared of them and I heard some hearts.  I picked a ticket stub for Lisa to add to her frame.  I actually started the Happy Birthday singing!  I connected with Joe like we always have.  He is like me in some ways.  Quiet, observing and thoughtful. 

Peace, Brother!  The unknown is scary.  Know that you are an amazing child of God, and this is just the final act in this show of Life.  There is always another show, another experience and another soul to connect with.  You are just preparing to switch venues!  And know I say these things because I need to hear them.  You Got This!

I Love You!