2021 02 21 We Sure Love our Suffering
The Greek Tragedies
Romeo and Juliet
Bambi
Game of Thrones
We love to suffer. Angst is common and seen as almost noble. Studies have shown that people trust smiles less than serious faces. Cynicism and pessimism are equated with intelligence. There is actually a school of thought, “Depressive Realism”, that implies people who suffer from depression are more realistic that those who operate under “Happy Delusion”. Meaning Eeyore is the only one in the Hundred Acre Wood who really knows what’s going on in the world.
What if, as Ryan Holiday said, “There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”?
What if, as Dr. Joe Dispensa opines, we create our own reality with our thoughts and feelings? When we control our intentions (thoughts) and emotions we control our reality.
What if, as Esther Hicks states, We create our own Vortex and the universe always gives us what we vibrationally request? Our job is to reach for the next best feeling, thereby adjusting our vibration to attract the higher frequency experiences to us.
Then each of us makes our own bed of nails and chooses to lie down upon it, gnashing our teeth and bemoaning our fate while at the same time WE CHOOSE TO STAY.
It is easy to see when we look at the friend who chooses to stay in an unhealthy relationship and is then surprised when their partner lies, again, or gets high, again, or cheats, again.
It is easy to see when we watch the family member with diabetes eat the cake or drink the alcohol and then wonders why their blood sugar numbers are so high, or they feel bad, or the Doctor is harassing them.
It is easy to see the cause and effect in others. When we watch other people and their choices, we have the gift of clarity. I am not as involved with your situation or your emotions around your situation so I can see where this train is heading. NO! we yell at the TV screen or the book. Don’t go there! Don’t answer the phone! Don’t open the door! Don’t believe a word she says! Don’t try to kick the ball, Charlie Brown! Lucy will move it…Don’t trust her! And we watch in fascinated, or frustrated, horror as the person (character or in real life) goes there, answers the phone, opens the door, believes, trusts and winds up on their butt AGAIN!
I can see it when looking from the outside. How do we see it within ourselves? How do we redefine our vibrations to attract what we want, not what we fear, or dislike or have received in the past? How do I rewrite the story about the meanings of my actions and experiences? How do I overcome my addiction to my own suffering so I can begin to live this beautiful life? I start by acknowledging there is beauty in my life! When a coworker and I spoke of our fathers, I think each of us was grateful for what we had, paternally. His father supported his family and was present, if emotionally distant and physically harsh. My father gifted us with his absence, and although it was a struggle for years for Mom, that forged the amazing relationships found between my sisters, my Mom and me. Two different scenarios. Two different perspectives. I choose whether I want to live with the abandonment story or the gratitude story. And my choice directly affects my suffering, angst and gnashing of teeth. The facts are unchanged. I don’t rewrite the facts to fit the new narrative, I just view them in a different way. The blind men and the elephant. The elephant hasn’t changed and each man is stating his truth.
In the Four Agreements, two are about my actions within the world. “1. Be impeccable with your word” and “4. Always do your best”. The other two are about how I perceive others: “2. Don’t take anything personally” and “3. Don’t make assumptions”. The actions of another are not about me! You do you and I will do me. You take responsibility for your actions and I take responsibility for my responses. Words on the page. They make sense and sound so wise. But, and there is always a but, they only work when I Apply them! Thinking, pondering, agreeing and quoting don’t help me (or anyone else). ACTION. The rubber meets the road in my ACTIONS.
The action here is to Mind My Own Business! Let it GO! Turn it Over. Not in a stuff it down and ignore the discomfort, stick my fingers in my ears and sing so I don’t hear or see the truth. Pretend I am not bothered and go forward. NO, the action here is to accept the fact that something is. I cannot change what has already happened (the past) or what others do or don’t do. I can detach myself from expectations of others and expectations of results (the future). I can choose to continue on my current path, or I can adjust my trajectory and allow you yours.
We, humanity, may enjoy our suffering but I am not a big fan. I suffered, and I do mean suffered, with depression for years. I felt hopeless, I hated myself for feeling hopeless and I envied the whole world for the ability I saw in others to overcome hopelessness. I can see the results of that suffering as having made a positive impact upon my life. Was it mandatory? I don’t know. Does it matter? Not really. I am sitting in K2 writing on Sunday morning about my path and my thoughts on my path. There has been beauty and love along my path. There has been adversity, stupidity and victimization as well. Where will I focus? Which wolf will I feed? I suffered. As I go through life I will have pain, as that is part of life. Not the whole of life! I will also have beauty, love, surprises, lessons and gifts disguised as adversity. I resign my suffering, I turn away from tragedies and I choose not to engage in The Game of Thrones any more. My energy will be spent seeking the light in the darkness, not lamenting the lack of light. There is always light!